Seniors’ Last Will and Testament

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Jackson Bailey

An graduating senior gives his best to the rest of the Woodrow Wilson High School underclassmen.

The Eagle Dispatch is going retro in our year’s final issue. For decades, it was popular for seniors to commemorate the rite of passage that is graduation by dividing their “assets” among remaining friends and classes. Here, we leave the lighthearted Last Will and Testament wishes of those departing seniors…

Zoe Bailey

I, Zoe Bailey, leave behind to the Class of 2023 the table that me and JJ share next to the vending machine (even though she claims it, we have joint custody its 50/50) so you can watch all the drama that happens in the lunchroom — it’s a great view; and to Aden, I leave all the procrastination in the world to you, to never get your work done, and to always get your way out of stuff. I leave these hallways to you guys to have the best memories you’ll have in them. Make sure you find that friend group that will stick with you through the end, never forget to be yourself! 

Cecelia Bechtel

I, Cecelia Bechtel, do hereby leave my car, Edgar, to my sister Fiona. He’ll get you to school on time, even if the heat doesn’t always work.

Taylor Bennett

I, Taylor Bennett, in the Class of 2022, will my quiet personality and ability to only talking to a few people to the Class of 2023.

Conner Dangerfield

I, Conner Dangerfield, do hereby leave Piper Dangerfield my position as best performer in the band.

Christopher Derringer

I, Christopher Derringer, leave nothing but this piece of paper.

Carson Eckley

I, Carson Eckley, bequeath my attendance to Carter Underwood and Alissa Rizo so the truancy officer does not get Stacy and Jose.

Mari Evans

I, Mari Evans, leave behind all of my well wishes and willingness to show up to class, to those left at Woodrow after my departure. I leave behind my notebook full of forensics notes to Ivy Sponaugle. You’ve got this! You’ll do great!

Halayna Fluker

I, Halayna Fluker, leave Kendra Mitchell my amazing time management skills.

Trayvon Hairston

I, Trayvon Hairston, leave my ability to be respectful, get good grades, and have lots of friends — and an outrageous shoe collection — to the next seniors.

Tyler Holiday

I, Tyler Holliday, leave my ability to not show up on test days to Quandale Dingle. To Isaiah Myers, I leave my Weight Watcher subscription. To Mrs. Stack, I bequeath my unmatched ability to be joyful. Love you. I leave the lunch table to my Asian acquaintance, Sam, who I’ve only spoken to once, you’ll lead by example.

Rickayala Jarrell 

I, Rickayla Jarrell, do hereby leave my remaining optimism and part of my determination to follow my own path to Lillian Meredith.

Erinn Keohane 

I, Erinn Keohane, do hereby leave my innate ability to slide through school and get good grades without actually doing any work to Jaden Stines, so that she may get through the rest of her school years without any strife. 

Ambika Kulkarni 

I, Ambika Kulkarni, do hereby leave, to all juniors, my ability to do assignments at the last possible second, no matter how far away the due date is, or how long the assignment will take. I also leave them with the remaining energy I have left; they will need it.

Stanley Martin

I Stanley Martin, do hereby leave Jamyah Morrison my ability to do homework during class. 

Nicholas McGlothin

I, Nicholas McGlothin, a genius in his field, leave my most impressive skill, my magnificent and unapologetic happiness to all upcoming seniors so that they may also barely pass only their required classes without a single point to spare. To the upcoming seniors I also leave my good luck at guessing on tests and quizzes and the advice to do every stupid thing they can think of now, before it actually matters.

Maddex McMillen

I, Maddex McMillen, will leave my ability to do a toe touch to the upcoming Senior class. 

Christopher Meader

I, Christopher Meader, bequeath my miraculous ability to pass despite being an absolute buffoon to Quandale Dingle. May it serve him well in his quest to leave this place.

Delaney Mitchell 

I, Delaney Mitchell, do hereby leave Garret Pritt my procrastination and anxiety. 

Isaiah Myers
I, Isaiah Myers, hereby leave my extraordinary infatuation with Muo root beer to my greatest acquaintance Quandale Dingle. I would like to leave my remaining three brain cells to Franklin Guoliotta, and my ability to come up with the most astounding, genius, stupendous stories on god’s green to Jordans Stevens. I shall leave all my body fat to Den glee-Meador, and finally my “yes” goes to Bengimen T. King.

Trey Parker
I, Trey Parker, pass down my Savvy Spirit to all juniors.

Creek Richmond

I, Creek Richmond, do hereby leave Ryan Muktar my inexplicable ability to be Mr. Quesenberry’s favorite student, regardless of how many coffee mugs of his I break.

Elysia Salon

I, Elysia Salon, do hereby leave to Lance Christiansen my dedication and motivation in both tennis and schoolwork.

Bug Kinder-Schuyler 

I, Bug Kinder-Schuyler, do hereby leave my skateboard with William Austin Bailey and Clay Villenave, so they may shred the hallways of Woodrow throughout their senior year.

Kit Shrout

I, Kit Shrout, do hereby leave by ability to show up just in time to Eli Shrout. Sleep in as late as you can. 

Connor Smith

I, Connor Smith, do hereby leave Ben Shrader my knowledge of time management in hopes you won’t have 5 missing assignments in every class like I do. 

Zach Stover

I, Zack Stover, leave you all the weird and cryptic drawings on my papers to the upcoming classes. I have no need for them anymore, so you can keep them. I will also leave you my pinky toe; divide it up however you like, but that’s all you get, nothing else okay, don’t be greedy.

Nathan Waddell

I, Nathan Waddell, leave to John Paul the ability to annoy the teacher to death. Braiden, I leave you the ability to sleep through class and to have a great time. To everyone else, I leave nothing cause y’all don’t need anything else.

Elly Withrow

I, Elly Withrow, do hereby leave Chanel Weng with all of my strength left to finish out her senior year.

Landyn Wolfe

I, Landyn Wolfe, do hereby leave Devon Coleman my backpack from senior year

Emilee Worley

I, Emilee Worley, do hereby leave my speed-walking abilities to any constantly late soul in need.